Marriage is one of the most important and sacred bonds in human life. It is not merely the union of two individuals, but the merging of two hearts, two families, and two lives. Marriage is another name for tranquility, love, mercy, and cooperation. Allah Almighty says in the Qur’an:
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“And among His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.”
(Al-Rum: 21)
Translation: And among His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility with them, and He placed between you love and mercy.
But the question arises: when this relationship is meant for love and peace, why do quarrels, bitterness, and lack of affection emerge in so many homes? Is it better to end an unpleasant marriage or to remain patient, realizing that it is also a test?
This is the very question that has always arisen in human hearts and continues to arise today. In this blog, we will discuss this issue and see what guidance the life of the Prophet ﷺ provides for us.
Why Does Love Fade?
In most marriages, love is intense during the early days. Everything seems new, every word feels exciting, and the heart is filled with joy. But with time, responsibilities increase, children are born, financial challenges arise, and through the different stages of life, the initial intensity of love often decreases.
Ibn al-Qayyim رحمه الله wrote that if marriage is properly maintained, love does not fade over time but rather grows stronger. The real issue is that we often see love as only one stage, whereas in reality, love transforms from one stage to another.
The love of the early days is mostly emotional and romantic. With time, however, that love takes the form of tranquility, trust, and sacrifice. If we accept this transformation and see it as a blessing, the relationship strengthens. But if we keep chasing the earlier form of love, disappointment and conflict will arise.
Tranquility and Comfort Example
The true purpose of marital life is to attain tranquility and comfort. A beautiful example is that of a battery. Just as a battery starts the day fully charged, and gradually discharges through the day’s tasks, worries, and fatigue — when a person comes home, they expect their spouse to help recharge them.
But if instead of peace they encounter quarrels and bitterness at home, the battery drains further. Eventually, the battery becomes completely discharged, and the relationship breaks down. This is why it is necessary for husband and wife to become a source of peace for each other, not of unrest.
Guidance from the Life of the Prophet ﷺ
The marital life of our beloved Prophet ﷺ is the best example for the world. He treated his noble wives with such love, honor, and respect that it remains a timeless guide for us.
The Incident of Sayyidah Safiyyah رضي الله عنها
Once during a journey, Sayyidah Safiyyah رضي الله عنها wished to mount a camel, but its height was difficult for her. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ knelt down and placed his knee forward so that she could step upon it and mount with ease. As she was doing so, he ﷺ covered her with his cloak to preserve her modesty.
This incident teaches us that a husband’s role is not about showing dominance, but about honoring and respecting his wife. Even today, if a husband opens the door for his wife, carries her belongings, or helps her in difficult times, it is not weakness but a sign of noble character.
Sharing in Household Work
Sayyidah A’ishah رضي الله عنها narrates that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ would mend his own clothes, repair his own sandals, and milk the goat. But as soon as the call to prayer was heard, he would leave everything and go for prayer.
This shows us that helping with household chores is not against manliness but is in fact the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ. Similarly, it is important for the wife to honor and respect her husband.
Love and Respect — Two Fundamental Pillars
The two fundamental pillars of married life are love and respect. A woman’s greatest need is love, while a man’s greatest need is respect. If a husband does not give love, the wife struggles to respect him; and if a wife does not show respect, the husband struggles to express love. This creates a never-ending cycle.
Thus, it is necessary that both husband and wife understand each other’s core needs and fulfill them accordingly.
The Chocolate Example
Suppose a wife loves dark chocolate, while the husband loves milk chocolate. The husband always brings her milk chocolate because that is his preference. Over time, the wife feels disappointed, thinking: “He never cares about what I truly like.”
The same happens in homes. We often express love and respect in ways that reflect our own preferences. But if that style does not resonate with the spouse, the relationship weakens. True love is expressed in the way that is meaningful to the partner.
Causes of Failed Marriages
There are many reasons why marriages fail, but two are particularly critical:
- Unfulfilled Expectations (The Silent Killer):
When we marry, we carry many expectations in our hearts. But when these expectations are not met, disappointment arises. Gradually, this disappointment turns into anger, depression, and constant arguments. - Emotional Disconnect (The Tipping Point):
When spouses feel they no longer find emotional peace, or that their value is unrecognized, the relationship nears collapse.
Principles of Successful Marriage
- Flexibility:
The ability to adjust and adapt with changing circumstances. - Compassion:
Understanding one another’s emotions and sharing in their pains. - Forgiveness:
Letting go of mistakes and not revisiting past bitterness. - Appreciation:
Expressing gratitude, praising good qualities, and showing affection.
Marriage is both a test and a great blessing. If we uphold it with love and respect, show flexibility, and adopt the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ, it becomes a source of tranquility and mercy.
Remember:
- A woman needs love.
- A man needs respect.
- Both must become a source of comfort and peace for one another.
May Allah grant us the ability to live our married lives according to the Sunnah of His beloved Prophet ﷺ.
This informative and spiritual blog is the result of the thoughtful work and arrangement by Hazrat Pir Abu Nauman Rizvi Saifi (may Allah preserve him), who continues to guide the Muslim Ummah with sincerity and devotion in matters of faith and spirituality.
